Friday, April 10, 2015

An Announcement

Up until recently I had little to no advice regarding dealing with pregnancy announcements when you are dealing with fertility issues of your own.  I have now lived it and fortunately for me it was not something the person giving the announcement took lightly but rather with care and sensitivity.

I have decided to be honest and open regarding this crazy rollercoaster we are on and in this circumstance it worked in my favor.  What we are going through is not a secret, and in its openness it creates friends and family who are supportive, compassionate and sensitive (for the most part - life isnt perfect and I will not pretend it is).

The gut reaction will be at the very least, discomfort – I am not going to lie.  Although, this discomfort has nothing to do with the announcement or the happiness you have for the other person.  It has everything to do with what you are longing for.  It brings up raw emotions from the past.  You are human and this is totally to be expected. A pregnancy announcement is an emotional trigger of a whirlwind of emotions for those struggling with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.

I personally felt genuine happiness but I also felt a heap load of other feelings. The theme goes on "its a lot".

I have realized one person's happiness  is not equal to extreme happiness in myself. This is human nature.  Does that make sense?  I was happy for the other person but that does not mean I was equally as happy as the other person and this is not purely due to my own fertility struggles. I don’t think anyone can feel the extreme happiness of another person as you are not the other person.  You would not hold others to these expectations, so why must you hold yourself to them?  I don’t think it’s fair to blame it all on one’s fertility struggles and it is unfair to set expectations like that for yourself.  You can feel happy and also feel other not so wonderful feelings. If you are lucky as I was, the person giving the news would totally understand this and have absolutely no expectations of your reaction.  This my friends is love and true friendship.

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It’s important to remember the courage it may have took your friend/family member to tell you the news.  They may not completely understand your journey, but they can offer you friendship and support.  As you can offer the same friendship and support in return.

Most importantly, do what you can – when you can with a focus on your comfort level. Give yourself time.  Cry if you need to.  Feel the feelings you have. Protect yourself from those not so fabulous feelings.
I know some women are much more private regarding their struggles, but if you ever come across this blog and need someone to talk to – please do not hesitate commenting or emailing me at

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