Friday, July 10, 2015

Between Cycle Bullets

It has been 44 days since my egg retrieval.  I can't say time has dragged, but its beginning to put a toll on me. The waiting to cycle that is. I have my ups and downs, and at this point am desperate to cycle again. Just waiting for Day 1 to begin this fun filled roller-coaster of an estimated 34 days to retrieval (at least that's how many days it was last time).  I stress estimated because as we know nothing is certain when it comes to IVF. 

I figured I would unload my random thoughts of all things fertility related into one blog post, and for that I shall present you with bullets. Oh who doesn't love a lazy bullet filled post!
  • I really wish I would have begged my RE a bit harder in regards to not waiting a cycle to begin another round. There is no scientific study saying that waiting another round is beneficial. I think she was less willing to agree because of my body's temper tantrum after retrieval.  Alas, we are almost there right?
  • It has been a bit harder than I had imagined because of our choice to bank cycles for PGD/PGS testing. I find myself ridiculously happy for those who are cycling and transferring fresh embryos, but I also find myself a tad bit envious.
  • I have been nitpicking everything regarding my first cycle. I am happy to have 4 embryos, but in reality a more "normal" number would be 6 because we did have 13 eggs that were fertilized. The assumed issue from the get-go was egg quality and its quickly becoming a reality. I could speak more in-depth with the embryologist, but I have been avoiding doing so because the only thing it will do is possibly stress me out even more.  I am also nitpicking my response to the meds. I was slow to respond with my original stim dosage doubling and then bam after the trigger shot I erupted with quite a few more eggs than expected. It's like my ovaries suddenly woke up.  Obviously, I have been Googling my afternoon away. 
  • I cried tears of joy when one of my sock buddies got the news that she was pregnant after her first IVF cycle I also cried tears of sadness when one of my sock buddies got the news that she wasn't pregnant.
  • As I said above and numerous times in different posts the ups and downs are rough. I lost it on the way to work today. It's difficult to be positive 100% of the time and when I let the smallest negative thought in I find myself losing it.  Doesn't help that both my due dates are quickly approaching.  To think I should have a soon to be 5 year old, newborn and who knows maybe one in between. Ya, not sure how to find the positive in all of that.
  • I am still eating GF/DF. I have been a bit looser on my zero caffeine and alcohol. I have probably had 2 cups of coffee in the last 44 days and about 3 alcoholic beverages.  I have had minor slip-ups with the GF/DF lifestyle. Such as eating Caprese salad and totally forgetting about the mozzarella. It's not as easy as you think! I am also eating way too much processed gluten and dairy free stuff than I should.  My acupuncturist who also is a nutritionist is having me keep a food diary for a week and will be going over things with me Tuesday. I have already forewarned her that my diet can be summed up as that of a kindergartner. 
  • I also find myself dreaming of a Caribbean or an out of the country vacation. That is obviously not happening in the near future.  Alas, I can dream. We do have a quick little trip to Michigan the end of July which will have to do for now!
So, any day now...

P.S. This week has been a major fail in regards to my AM routine. I thought you were going to be holding me accountable??

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